Saturday, August 4, 2012

Top 11 Nuggets of Teh Stupid From the Most Popular Christian Home School "Science" Text

How stupid are they, home scholers [sic} edition: The ignorant fundie boob.babble that passes for "science" in actual Christian home school "science" textbooks...

No, this is not an Onion article. Yes, the most popular "science" text used by idiot fundie home shoolers really does "teach" the following total nonsense, and all in the very 1st chapter. I poop you not.

Here's the top 11 nuggets of rock hard stupid just in the first chapter of the most popular "science" text for fundie moran home schoolers, re-written from a post to

1. Since no one saw the moon formed, science is the same as faith. Forget all of that science stuff - you know, like data, observation, the fact we've actually been there, etc. - because Bronze Age goat herders knew better.

2. The moon is  only 10,000 years old (see 1, 'cause that's not at all like circular reasoning or stupid bleephole kettle logic).

3. Absurd wild-ass guesses based on superstition and nonsense are just like scientific theories.

4. Forget all of those science-type theories and all of the data and evidence. We ignorant fundie morans KNOW how it all happened, 'cause some Bronze Age goat herders told us so.

5. Only evil godless Yankees use technology! That's why the good, upright KKKristians - slave owners, just like the Bible says - lost the War of Northern Aggression!

6. God uses "special signs" to warn us about God's own genocide. You know, mysterious special signs that nobody can explain or predict, like solar and lunar eclipses.

7. The Grand Canyon is only a few thousand years old and was caused by the Great Flood the last time God decided to commit planetary genocide. You know, the exact same Great flood described in the epic poem 'Gilgamesh,' which predates the fairy stories of the Bronze Age goat herders by 1,500 years or so.

8. God wants all of the glaciers to melt so we'll have drinking water.

9. Actually, I rather like fiddleheads...

10. Electricity, magnets and all of that stuff is a total mystery nobody understands and probably doesn't exist because you can't see it or hear it or feel it. Well, unless you're struck by lightning, but, apparently this is a logical leap to far for the idiots that wrote this garbage and the incredible imbeciles who buy into such full throated, 100% Grade AAA USDA Prime STUPIDITY.

11. BTW, we put in some of that godless "science" stuff, too, but just so we could get a publisher to put the rest of this happy horse poop out. You can just ignore it.

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