Sunday, July 17, 2016

Donald Trump Announces Convention Speaking Schedule...

Official Republican Convention Speaking Schedule

Night 1

Keynote Speaker: Gary Busey

Theme: Hot Chicks I Can Do Because I'm Really, Really Rich

Melania (did and do)
Tia Tequila (did)
Teresa Giudice (did)
Natalie Gulbis (doing, shhh)
Katrina Pierson (did backdoor, baby)
Omarosa (like you didn't know)
Azealia Banks (later tonight)
Kirstie Alley (did before she got old and fat)
Ivana (before she got old and ugly)
Ivanka (I'll never tell)
Tiffany (ditto)

Special Guest: Ann Coulter
Music by Loretta Lynn

Night 2

Theme: Politicians That I Own Because I'm Really, Really Rich

Reince Priebus
Mitchie Mitch McConnell
Paul "Guns 'n Gums" Ryan
Lyin' Ted Cruz
Little Marco
Newtie Noot Gingrich
Rick "Bat Boy" Scott
Tom "Douchecanoe" Cotton
Rudy Giuliani
That Jackass I Wish I Hadn't Picked As My VP

Special Guest: The Pig Castrating Chick
Music by Wayne Newton

Night 3
Theme: Great Tough Guys Who Are So Really Tough and Really Great

Chuck Norris
Curt Schilling
Pete Rose
Mike Ditka
Richie Incognito
Hulk Hogan
Mike Tyson
Dennis Rodman
Lou Ferrigno
Stephen Baldwin

Special Guest: Vladimir Putin
Music by Kid Rock

Night 4

Theme: Me!

My Jew Son-In-Law
Don, Jr.
Cast of Duck Dynasty
Scott Baio (nominating speech)
Me! Me, me, me, me, ME!

Special Guest: Me!

Music by Ted Nugent