Official Republican Convention Speaking
Schedule
Night 1
Keynote Speaker: Gary
Busey
Theme: Hot Chicks I Can Do Because I'm Really, Really Rich
Melania (did and do)
Tia Tequila (did)
Teresa Giudice (did)
Natalie Gulbis (doing, shhh)
Katrina Pierson (did backdoor, baby)
Omarosa (like you didn't know)
Azealia Banks (later tonight)
Kirstie Alley (did before she got old and fat)
Ivana (before she got old and ugly)
Ivanka (I'll never tell)
Tiffany (ditto)
Special Guest: Ann Coulter
Music by Loretta Lynn
Night 2
Theme: Politicians That I Own Because I'm Really, Really Rich
Reince Priebus
Mitchie Mitch McConnell
Paul "Guns 'n Gums" Ryan
Lyin' Ted Cruz
Little Marco
Newtie Noot Gingrich
Rick "Bat Boy" Scott
Tom "Douchecanoe" Cotton
Rudy Giuliani
That Jackass I Wish I Hadn't Picked As My VP
Special Guest: The Pig Castrating Chick
Music by Wayne Newton
Night 3
Theme: Great Tough Guys Who Are So Really Tough and Really Great
Chuck Norris
Curt Schilling
Pete Rose
Mike Ditka
Richie Incognito
Hulk Hogan
Mike Tyson
Dennis Rodman
Lou Ferrigno
Stephen Baldwin
Special Guest: Vladimir Putin
Music by Kid Rock
Night 4
Theme: Me!
Melania
Ivanka
My Jew Son-In-Law
Tiffany
Eric
Don, Jr.
Cast of Duck Dynasty
Scott Baio (nominating speech)
Me! Me, me, me, me, ME!
Special Guest: Me!
Music by Ted Nugent
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